


First Love

by Yoan_Amara



Series: Love Song Series [6]
Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Bittersweet, Confession, Drugs Addiction, F/M, First Love, First and Last Kiss, Forced Prostitution, Mature just for safe, Prostitution, Sensuality, Tragic Romance, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 04:46:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15700449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoan_Amara/pseuds/Yoan_Amara
Summary: With Water Tribe’s specialty foods and liquors accompany their little feast in Lily’s residence, Yona and her group have enjoyed the little chat. Because Jae Ha teases him like always, Hak challenges big brother of their group to tell about his first love. Their delightful big brother tells them about his first love, then. This also reveals about the reason of Green Dragon’s used to drugs and can play the instruments. She’s also one of the reason why Jae Ha awfully particular about freedom and always treats woman with the utmost care. Jae Ha has already been involved in shady situations and faced danger, after all.





	First Love

**Author's Note:**

> In case you don’t know about the song, this song courtesy of Utada Hikaru with title ‘First Love’. At first, I want to use Nikka Costa’s Song with title ‘My First Love’ but as prompt is going through my head and from the way of this story going on, I thought this story more fits with Utada Hikaru’s Song with title ‘First Love’

Lily has invited them to stay at her residence in Sensui to celebrate her birthday next week. In very same day when they arrive only a week before her birthday, Lily has asked Tetora and Ayura to bring the best of Water Tribe’s specialty foods and liquors. Of course, Yun helps them to cook and tonight, they have their little feast. And as usual, there’s bantering between Dark Dragon and Green Dragon which ended by Dark Dragon’s challenge to Green Dragon if he ever has someone he loved like ‘first love’ with him being a playboy who always flirt with every human being known as woman.  
Hak smirks as Jae Ha turns silent “heh, you’re being quiet… do you have no one?”.  
Jae Ha only laughs “of course, even I did have someone I loved, my first love was when I was around the same age with you, Hak”.  
It invites curiosity from Yona and the others who have turned their attention to Jae Ha.  
Kija is the first to ask him “what is it? Your first love?”.  
Lily presses in “hey, your first love was woman or man? Because the type of someone like you probably are not only into girls but guys, too…”.  
“like you said, dear”, Jae Ha nods his head before eyeing Yona, Hak and Kija with a wicked grin “actually, I love every beautiful being, be it woman just like you and Yona dear, or man just like Hak and Kija”.  
Hak shudders, remembering of when Jae Ha took his hands saying he wanted him on their first time meet in Awa “hell no?!”.  
Kija exclaims with flushed cheeks “stop!”.  
“okay, okay, but seriously, I did have first love and my first love was woman. Don’t worry, no matter how handsome that man, I don’t be attracted into guys because I prefer woman is best”, Jae Ha laughs and waves his hands which in result, Hak and Kija sigh in relief before Jae Ha continues “I met with her when I still lived in Awa, of course. Her name was Shi-Ren, Shi from Shinju (Pearl) and Ren from Ren (humankind-heartedness). For me, she was just like the most beautiful pearl of the sea”.  
Yona asks with her round sparkling curious Amethyst orbs “how is your story with her?”.  
Hak promptly closes Yona’s ears, only to be swatted by Yona before he comments “be careful, princess… This is Droopy Eyes we’re speaking about, after all. Surely it will involve sort of sultry scenes”.  
“really now, that’s so mean, Hak”, Jae Ha chuckles and pours other liquor to his cup “well, I guess telling story about my first love story will bring no harm”.

* * *

 

**.**

**Flashback**

**.**

* * *

 

Jae Ha is 17 years old that time, almost 18 years old. He meets with her in the seashore, he just lands after flying at the sky with the seagull and his eyes find her. She’s standing there, looking to the sea before lifting her head up to look at the bright sun in the middle of clear blue sky. She has long wavy raven hair and blue eyes. Her hair reaches her hip, cascading down her back and shoulder before winds blow her hair that flying in the middle of air like the wave of sea. Her blue eyes have deep blue color just like the sea but what make him surprised is those tears. Tears stream down her face in the first time he sees her. Those sparkling tears trace her fair skin, from the corner of her eyes through her cheeks to her jaw, just like the pearl of the blue sea. They’re locking gaze when that girl realizes his presence.  
“eh?”, the girl blinks her eyes, looking straight into Jae Ha “oh, my… do you see me cry just now?”.  
Jae Ha agapes in wonder, still in daze due to struck with amazement and admiration after find such scene.  
She blushes and quickly covers her face, crouching herself “oh, no?! my bad, I thought no one will see me if I’m crying here!?”.  
Jae Ha scratches his nape, blushes as well and approaches her “um, I’m so sorry, Lady… I don’t have any intention to…”.  
She looks up to Jae Ha and offers smile despite her tears still freely flowing. She chuckles as she wipes her tears “fufufu, it’s alright, I just don’t like if anyone see me when I cry because I don’t want to make anyone to worry about me, that’s why I’m always looking for quiet place when I want to cry… I didn’t expect to meet you here, though”.  
Hesitantly, Jae Ha asks “um, why are you crying?”.  
Without asking his question, she rises, running away from that place. Unconsciously, Jae Ha lifts his hand to her direction, his hand reaches out to her and he calls her out “ah, wait!? can we meet again?”.  
She turns back and smiles brightly “sure, let’s meet here again tomorrow or every sunny day!?”.  
Jae Ha’s eyes lit up and he asks again “what’s your name?”.  
She exclaims “Shi-Ren!? Yours?”.  
He answers back “Jae Ha!?”.  
Shi-Ren waves her hand with smile on her face and he blushes, thinking how cute she is.

* * *

 

Since that time, they always meet here, in the seashore near horse-shaped coral where they can witness the sunrise. Strangely when it’s rain or at the night, Shi-Ren can’t meet with him. She only can meet him from the early morning, at the daylight till the early evening. Before dusk, she must come home. Often, he offers her to accompany her to go home so he can have more time with her, but she always declines his offer.  
That day to prevent the sunburn, Shi-Ren uses straw hat with wide seam. Like always, she uses plain kimono with light color, today is Azure blue sky with white cloud patterns. She laughs at Jae Ha, commenting about how young he is because they find out that while Jae Ha reaches his 18 years old this year, Shi-Ren reaches 24 years old this year. Maybe that’s why Jae Ha thinks she’s felt more mature than him. When she teases him about it before running away from him, Jae Ha scowls and runs after her. When he catches her wrist, she winces and he frowns, quickly releasing her. At first, he apologizes if he hurts her but Jae Ha is surprised as he finding bruises on her wrist, like her wrist has been tightly tied with rope. He asks if someone dare to hurt her, but she tells him nothing and convinces him that she’s alright.  
He can’t resist the urge to not finding her home. Right, she never tells him where her home is or even letting him to come with her to bring her home, so he follows her without her knowledge to her home. Jae Ha is surprised, because Shi-Ren comes into red-light district, into the high-class brothel with the most expensive payment in Awa which only high-rank government officer or rich merchants who can come to this place. He sneaks in to one of the taverns, luckily his good-looking appearance invites several women before he’s approaching them to ask. These women offer him to take one of them, but he comes here not to spend his time with them, he only wants to meet with Shi-Ren. When there’s loud cheering as someone comes from above, slowly walking downstairs, Jae Ha has sharps breath intake as he finds Shi-Ren with totally different attires and aura, so intoxicating and gorgeous. She uses Sapphire blue night gown with off-shoulder top and mermaid skirt. Her bow back neckline exposes Red Lotus tattoo on her back and her open toe shoes exposes her slender legs. Her hair is tied into half bun, butterfly hairpin with pearl and diamond etching its clasp, clipping her bun. She hides her lower face using her fan and her pearls earrings dangling as she sweeps her eyes around ground floor, looking down upon them with high tension aura surroundings her body like she’s the esteemed woman of high-stature family. When Jae Ha asks the girls around him, these girls have various reactions like disappoint towards him, also envy or despise that he realizes directing into Shi-Ren.  
“she is Hong-Ryeon the Red Lotus, the most beautiful prostitute in our brothel. Why do you ask, sir? Do you like her?”, one girl boldly presses her exposed chest into his bicep as she wraps her hands around his hand “you should know, sir, she is sort of our place’s mascot. Not everyone can sleep with her, only those really rich and can pay her with high cost, or those chosen by her because she loves him, who can spend a night with her under our owner’s approval”.  
Now, Jae Ha can guess the reason of her bruises wrists, maybe because her client is sadistic or maniac. He doesn’t know what’s going through his head, but he grins and asks these girls “interesting, how much must I pay to spend a night with her?”.  
Just in time before any of these girls answer his question, Hong-Ryeon finds him from the corner of her eyes. They’re locking gaze before she slowly walks to Jae Ha. She wraps her arms around his shoulder and hazily smiles, not innocence and bright smile that Shi-Ren usually wears “how about spending this night with me, handsome guy?”.  
The other girls who woo Jae Ha first bit their lips, they can’t win against her but one of them protests to her “hey, it’s cheating, Hong-Ryeon!? We found him first?!”.  
Another girls nod their heads furiously but she threateningly glares to her coworkers, enough to silence them before she smiles back to Jae Ha “well?”.  
Jae Ha grins lopsided, wrapping his arms around her torso, landing a peck on her forehead before lifting her on his arms bridal style, ignoring other girl’s cries or other man’s whistles “sure, beautiful lady… show me your room?”.  
“not so fast, handsome guy”, she chuckles and puts her forefinger on his lower lip before she tilts her head to one of her coworkers, calling with stern voice “oi, useless, call Mama here”.  
One of girl hisses before they call for the owner, Mama of Kiera, this brothel where they’re working. After talking with the owner about the payment, Jae Ha is a bit surprised because he needn’t to pay for her service, only pay their room, foods and drinks because this time the one who asks to spend the night is her.  
“oh, he’s so handsome!? I understand why you do want him!? of course, your father wouldn’t mind if you just wanted to having fun. Enjoy your time with him, Hong-Ryeon”.  
As they pass other worker on this red-light district to her room, they can hear another person’s comment of the visitors or workers here about how lucky he is, to have a night with her or how high her standard to only able to spend a night with her. After they come into her room, she quickly closes the door behind her and locks her room.  
“my room is soundproof, we can talk whatever we want and I’m sure you have many question”, she walks into her cabinet, releasing her earrings and put it into its drawer along with her fan “bring it on”.  
Jae Ha takes a seat on the edge of the bed “what are you doing here?”.  
“start with that, huh?”, she chuckles before sternly glares into him over her shoulder “I believe it’s my line… did you follow me behind, brat?”.  
“oh, I’m surprised, you’re totally different with yourself at the daylight”, Jae Ha claps his hand and smirks “but I don’t hate it, though… instead I also love this part of you. Now, tell me, who are you? Hong-Ryeon or Shi-Ren?”.  
“like you see, I’m working here. Hong-Ryeon is my alias here, only when I’m working as prostitute and Shi-Ren is my real name. Hong-Ryeon is my mother’s name, my mother once had been the most beautiful prostitute who work here, before cancer gnawed on her womb and killed her not long after my birthday at 4 years old, about 20 years old”, Shi-Ren turns the chair towards Jae Ha and sits on the chair, crossing her arms before her chest, face to face with Jae Ha “at first my father didn’t acknowledge me as his daughter, told my mother that she’s only claiming him as one… how foolish of him, he doesn’t know that as a woman, of course we know who the father of our children. He couldn’t refuse the fact anymore once my mother forced him to did DNA test. I’m truly his biological daughter, but my mother didn’t ask him to marry her. She knew my father has his own position in the government, that’s why my mother only asked him to do his responsibility as the father, to defray our necessities and that’s how I’m ended here, like my mother”.  
“I will ask you one thing, same question with the first time we meet, why did you crying?”, Jae Ha takes both Shi-Ren’s hand on his “do you really want to do this? become a prostitute, selling your body and let different man to sleep with you in every night?”.  
She doesn’t answer.  
Jae Ha presses her further “you don’t want this, right? I know from your eyes, you never want this”.  
Jae Ha can see the sadness and forlorn in her eyes, very same eyes with him long time ago, that tears from those beautiful eyes only belongs to someone who desperately want to have their freedom back after being caged for years.  
She looks straight into him, eyebrows knitting together “true… I don’t want to, but do I have a choice? If even my father sold me to the owner of this brothel with the agreement that he’s also getting his share for letting his daughter become prostitute here?”.  
Jae Ha reaches out his hand “then come with me”.  
When Jae Ha asks her to come with him so she needn’t to sell her body again, Shi-Ren shakes her head and tells him all the truth, that her biological father is Yan Kum Ji, Awa’s Lord. She is illegitimate daughter of Yan Kum Ji who know nothing about the freedom because ever since she’s born to this world, her fate has been written cruelly, her legs are chained down into this brothel. Of course, her biological father will not let her free outside here, to get out of this place. She always wants her freedom and even dreaming about it, but she knows, as long as her father still alive, she can never be free. Her father will chase her and kill whoever dare to take her away. Jae Ha sighs heavily, intertwining his knuckles and tilting his head further, he doesn’t expect everything to become this complicated.  
Shi-Ren narrows her eyes, looking down to Jae Ha with disheartening looks “do you hate me now, Jae Ha? After you know that I’m Yan Kum Ji’s illegitimate daughter with one of prostitutes from brothels in red-light district”.  
“stupid question, Shi-Ren”, Jae Ha lifts his head and grabs her shoulders “of course I will not?! I would never do such a thing?! why should I hate you just because of your background? You’re just the victim here?! Human shouldn’t snatch other human’s freedom?!”.  
Jae Ha quickly releases his grip when he sees her starts crying “ah, I’m sorry, did I hurt…”.  
“no, I thought you would despise me like other man once you know my real occupation”, Shi-Ren quickly shakes her head and cries in relief, one more time she smiles despite her tears still flowing freely “you have strong value for freedom, human’s liberty albeit a bit reckless, Jae Ha. Maybe that’s why I’m attached into you”.  
Jae Ha smiles “do you fall in love with me now?”.  
Shi-Ren pouts and smacks his forehead “you moron, you’re far younger than me, little brat. I mean only as a friend”.  
Jae Ha scratches his jaw “ah, you’re so mean, Shi-Ren… I’m serious, I truly fall in love with you and I don’t mind even if you’re older than me, you know?”.  
Shi-Ren blushes and chuckles, cradling her jaw with her palm “silly boy... Go flirt with other woman who deserve you more”.  
Somehow that words sting his heart but he waves that off. He understands why she tell him that “are you sure, you don’t want to come with me? I can take you away, so you can be free”.  
“no, I don’t know what my father will do if I run away. Don’t worry, I’m alright”, Shi-Ren smiles before patting his head “besides my freedom is something that I’m supposed to get with myself after going through struggling by my own, not something that given by someone. I hope with me being patient, someday my father can change his mind and give me back my freedom”.  
“please, don’t treat me like a child just because I’m younger than you”, Jae Ha blushes and brings down her hand before promising her “I and my friends will stop your father, whatever it will cost, so not only you but also Awa’s citizens, can get their freedom back, including yours”.  
Shi-Ren smiles brightly “oh my, I surely will wait for that day to come. When I get back my freedom back, it will be the most beautiful dream and the greatest happiness of me”.  
Jae Ha has promised her to be patient till he and his comrades can free Awa’s citizen “but it means we will take your father down, are you okay with that?”.  
Shi-Ren nods her head in understanding “no problem, I understand… though, even if he’s my biological father, he is bad people and he still must get his own punishment. At first, I stayed here because I hoped, one day my father will change but looks like only death is the cure of his evil-minded and corruption”.  
He still worries one thing before leave “but what if he’d hurt you because you cooperated with us?”.  
“don’t worry, no matter how evil he is, he will not kill me, his daughter, his own flesh and blood, right?”, Shi-Ren pushes him to go home “now, a good boy should go home before your mother is looking for you”.  
“one more time, I’m not a child”, Jae Ha grumbles before looking at her over his shoulder “and we still can meet again, right?”.  
“of course, silly boy”.

* * *

 

Several days after that when Jae Ha plays his erhu in the side of cliff heading to the sea, for the first time Shi-Ren meets with him not in the daylight but at the night when she’s supposed to work “Jae Ha”.  
“why— eh, wait… what are you doing here?”, Jae Ha approaches her because it’s unusual for her to sneak out of her workplace at night like this. He is about to tease her if she missed him but when her body collapses into his, he’s surprised as he sees bloods from gashes on her back and stomach “Shi-Ren?! What happened?! These bloods…”.  
She weakly tugs his sleeves “Jae Ha, run… my father… he sent his subordinates…”.  
Before she can finish her speech, several mercenaries appear, following her behind to this place. She pushes Jae Ha and spins around before spreads her hands to the side, receiving flying arrow which landing on her side. Green Dragon enrages and lunges into those mercenaries. After he kills them all, Jae Ha quickly takes her to the ship, asking Gigan to patch her wounds. Gigan does her best, but she’s asking Jae Ha to prepare himself because she no longer able to survive, both due to lost too much blood and drugs overdose. From the bruises on her upper hands and wrists, looks like someone has held her down and injected drugs to her over her limit. Gigan has given the antidote for the drugs, but badly her wounds plus lost too much blood has sentenced her to her death.  
When he comes to her side, she weakly smiles and grips his hand “Jae Ha, take me to the seashore, please?”.  
Jae Ha carries her on his arms and leaps to the seashore.  
After they arrive on the seashore where they usually meet since the first time they meet, she voices the first thing that come to her mind with sweet smile on her face “I was surprised at first when you leapt but I really love it when you carry me while flying at the sky, it feels like I have wings to fly for a while”.  
Jae Ha smiles which he hoping it can be considered as reassuring smile as he sits down and settles her on his lap “I can always carry you to fly at the sky, you know?”.  
She sadly leans her head to his shoulder “unfortunately, I haven’t time left that much…”.  
Shi-Ren tells him about what has happened. Yan Kum Ji knows about him, that they always meet in the seashore and that Jae Ha is one of the pirate’s crews. Yan Kum Ji always wants to get rid of the pirate and he asks cooperation of her, his daughter, promising her that she will get her freedom but she declines his request. Instead, she asks him to stop his corruption into Awa. Claiming she’s being rebellious, Yan Kum Ji punishes her with inject drugs in quite amount to her body. For the first time, she tries to fight back with stabbing him but Yan Kum Ji stabs her stomach. One of his mercenaries slashing her back when she’s tried to run away.  
Jae Ha cradles her head and intertwines their finger, leaning her upper body to his side and gripping her hand “you sacrifice yourself because of us… and because of me… why? You fool… you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself like this…”.  
“if I convey my father’s request, that’s mean I must betray you... I just can’t do that… besides, if it’s for you, I don’t mind at all… to sacrifice my life…”, Shi-Ren weakly smiles and blinks slowly “I have request, Jae Ha… after I die, just throw my corpse in the middle of the sea where I can see the bright sun with clear blue sky as my resting place. Last…”.  
Jae Ha shakes his head and cuts her off as he realizes the light of the life slowly leaves her eyes “no, don’t leave me… you said you want your freedom back, right? if you died here, you wouldn’t…”.  
She sharply breathes in before gripping Jae Ha’s collar “listen, I believe soon my father will be taken down by someone. Karma does exist. You’ll get what you spread, he’ll get his punishment for all of his crimes... Once that happen, after my father die, just please throw his corpse to the sea, the same place with my resting place. Can you do it?”.  
Jae Ha grits his teeth. After Jae Ha nods his head in hesitant, she chuckles and touches his wet cheek “don’t cry… you’re a man, right? now, dare to tell me the reason of why you fall in love with me?”.  
“because you’re strong, you don’t run away, from your father, from that place, from your fate despite having such a cruel fate… and I want to help you, to give your freedom back…”.  
Unlike him, that’s unspoken word is stuck on his throat because his throat tightens in the sight of Shi-Ren who coughs blood, but still keeping her smile and cupping his cheek “Jae Ha… you’ve already given my freedom back with take me away from that place and carry me securely in your arms while you make me experiencing how it feel flying to the sky like birds, such beautiful experience for the last moment of my life... I’m grateful to the Gods, to give me chance to love someone for the last time before I died…”.  
With her last will-power that left, she lifts her head up closer to his face and smiles, blinking away her tears “thank you so much for everything you give to me in my last moments… I love you, Jae Ha…”.  
“I love you too”, Jae Ha closes the distance between them, kissing her passionately as she closes her eyes, their first and last kiss. After her head collapses backward, Jae Ha cradles her head on his arm “Shi-Ren?”.  
He keeps hugging her, his voice turns hoarse as he calling for her name. His grievous cry can be heard in between rain that pouring from the sky, as if the sky is crying along with him tonight. When the dawn has peeked from its horizon, Gigan asks her to let her go, to accept the fact that she’s gone. The ship sails to the middle of the sea, before Jae Ha sinks her lifeless body into the sea like she has asked.

* * *

 

For weeks he has wandered around red-light district, looking for her figure that he clearly shouldn’t be able to find anywhere. His surrounding seems vague and what become his outlet is drugs. One of Yan Kum Ji’s mercenaries who know about Jae Ha has cooperated with pimp who work to Kiera. With several prostitutes and drugged liquor, they trap Jae Ha and are about to take him to Yan Kum Ji but Gigan outsmarts them. She threatens them that she will rip their ball and dick apart using his knife if they dare to kidnap her child or disturb him anymore and of course she is serious. When Jae Ha recovers from his daze state, he finds his wrists tied to the headboard with headband to prevent him to be going into berserk mode again.  
Gigan hovers over him with scowl on her face “…what do you think you’re doing, brat? Do you think how she would feel if she witnessed your pathetic condition now? if you stop here, how about her dream?”.  
In frustration, he yells “she has been free, Captain… She no longer need to be suffering anymore, because she’s dead!?”.  
Gigan sighs and releases his wrists, reaching out her hand “let’s go home, snot-nosed brat”.  
Jae Ha rubs his wrists and lowers his head further “why don’t you just leave me be, Captain? I have broken your rule to not kill people and using drugs?!”.  
“what I said to you before that once you set your feet into my ship? you’re my son. No one mother in this world who will gladly leave or abandon their children, not especially when her son in vulnerable state like this”, Gigan takes his hand gently “geez, don’t make me repeat my words, you little snot-nosed brat. There’s a package from Hong-Ryeon of Kiera, along with the letter inside it for you. From that girl. After that, it’s up to you, it’s your choice after all, want to stop here and leave or stay with us”.  
For the first time after her death, his eyes lit up with will of life. He obeys her this time to come with her, to go back to pirate’s ship which has become their home. After cleans off himself, Jae Ha opens package from Shi-Ren. There’s Kai robe and erhu, along with the letter in its package. He’s more interested to read the letter, though.

* * *

 

_Hello, Jae Ha. It’s rather weird because I write this for you when I just met with you but when you read this letter, that’s mean I no longer in this world. Maybe you will be surprised, Jae Ha, but I apologize to tell you this only with this letter, because I think I will cry if I tell you out loud while see you face to face… the doctor has given me up for dead, my possibility to recovered from cancer which gnawing on my womb, my mother’s illness is nothing. Not to mention, hard life as prostitute on high-class brothel sometimes breaks my body and heart in the same time. As you know, my biological father is Yan Kum Ji. The fact that my coworkers hate is understatement. Just being alive and exist in this world, they think as enough reason to hate me, just because of my lineage that I never chose nor want. I still can receive and accept their treatment to me because I think, maybe with this my father’s sin can be redeemed even a bit, so I just let this be, when the fact that I’m Yan Kum Ji’s illegitimate daughter is brought up or it put me into trouble, like when one of my client who hate my father has used me as the outlet of his lust and hatred, with beating me, torturing and rape me. As long as it can lighten Awa citizens’ suffering, I don’t mind to get hurt and suffering. I said my dream is to get my freedom back, right? Actually, I still have one dream again other than to get my freedom back, I want to see Awa citizens to be happy and can be freed from my father’s corruption._  
_My will of life has drained when I feel this weird in my body and I come to the doctor to check up. After the doctor has sentenced me to my death, you should know, actually I’ve had already half-giving up to life. Nothing can heal this pain of me, not even when I’m using Drugs. When the first time we met in the seashore, Yes, I cried that time after heard what the doctor said to me. Just if you didn’t there and I stayed longer, maybe I would commit suicide and follow my mother to the other side with drowning myself, just like that, but you made me remind back of what truly I want… not only freedom, but also love… I rather envy of your relationship with Captain Gigan, because clearly you and Captain love each other like son and mother despite both of you don’t have related by blood. That’s what make me admire you and Captain Gigan, she’s truly perfect image of a mother to me, because I didn’t remember about my own mother. When you confessed to me that you love me, actually I truly am happy and I don't mind even if you're younger than me but I know, I can’t receive it because my life-span is short, I can’t return your feeling even if I also love you. You should know, that night when you busted me in my workplace and when we were in my room, you joked about how to have sex with you just for that night, actually I don’t mind, I want to touch you as well but I can’t afford the chance that maybe my illness will spread into your body once I let you inside me. What I can do only hide this feeling with playing role as big sister to you. Sadly, but it’s the truth and I regret nothing. Instead I’m so happy because I can have all of these beautiful memories in the last moment of my life with you as my love. Barely for the rest of my life, I live my life under the shadow of my father, inside the darkness but you’re different. You’re my light, Jae Ha. I can’t afford to lose you. Even if I no longer am able to stay by your side, don’t stop walk on the path that you’ve put faith._  
_I apologize first before confessing this, actually there’s once when I happened to there when you were swimming as I’m waiting in the ship with Captain Gigan and yes, I saw what you’re always hiding from me. The Green scale with talons on your leg, your ability to jump out of ordinary people usually can do, just from that I realize who you are. I know father maybe will want you for him but the least thing I want is to let him to take you, so I keep this as a secret till my death. This is why I send this letter within the package that I send to you. Ah, about the package, Kai robe is something I sew by myself, I give it for you because I hope you like the clothes which suitable for you and the erhu is mine, it will no longer able to play without its owner, right? I only can pray to the Gods and hope for you to be safe on your journey, because the God’s power just like two-edged sword, sometimes it will bring divine protection but also may bring destruction. I apologize for peeking but I want you to know, I never think of you as a monster. There’s no way such cute, pure boy who blushing when I seduce him is a monster. I wonder why you are hiding it, but only can presume it since I guess you wouldn’t want to speak about it. What I know, you are Green Dragon, one of Four Dragon Warriors from the legend that does exist. Reject the fact about Four Dragon Warriors means reject your existence in this world, and I can’t do that. What I understand, this kingdom need you. Maybe there’s a time when your power is needed and maybe it’s on our era. You can’t die just because of lost me. This is not your end. I wouldn’t forgive you if you died so quick to follow me behind. Don’t let our ephemeral love to break down your resolve. You have those people who have tied in real trusted relationship from the deep of your inner heart. Warrior like you can’t die before you go home to your family and friend who have waited for you in your battlefield where you should burn your soul, to the battlefield where your family and friend will rely on you. You’re still too young to die. Fight, Jae Ha, as a warrior who have fated to meet under the Heaven’s path, for the sake of bringing peace to this Kingdom along with your trusted family, comrades and your red-haired master that soon will need your power._  
_Last, if you truly ever loved me, would you bother to convey my last, selfish request? I’m so happy because of you, so you should make another woman to be happy and you should be happy with her. You’re a good man, Jae Ha… You deserve happiness with someone who more innocence, chastity rather than me, other woman who can stay by your side longer than me. I love the smile on your face, that’s why, keep smile and stay alive longer than me, okay?_  
_I’m sorry for leaving you so fast and thank you very much for everything._  
_I love you, Jae Ha._  
_Regards, Shi-Ren. With love for Jae Ha._

* * *

 

He lowers his shaking hands after he finishes reading her last letter. He remembers, there’s once when he and Shi-Ren were talking and bickering. If she would die and she could choose to where she would die, she wanted to die in the beautiful sea like these. She has always loved this seashore because this place is where they can witness the sunrise at the dawn.  
He covers his eyes with his palm, letting his tears cascading down his cheek as he chuckles “still talkative till the end, huh? what I said before that I’m serious, you moron”.  
So even without that incident, she still would leave his side?  
For her, he is her last love. But for him, she is his first love who will always have the place in his heart. He will never forget her, even if someday, he will fall in love with someone again. Because from her, he has learned love. This is Love. Bitter like coffee. Sweet like candy. Intoxicate like drugs.  
After that, for the sake of Shi-Ren and to prevent other woman and children in Awa to have the same fate with her, Jae Ha has decided to stay with the pirate to fight against Yan Kum Ji.

* * *

**.**

**Flashback End**

**.**

* * *

“that day, when I witnessed Yan Kum Ji was taken down by a single arrow right on his heart before his corpse submerged into the sea, I thought like this… finally Shi-Ren, you can meet with your father, but it’s been only needed 7 years after her death till Awa is free from Yan Kum Ji, just if you survived till Awa is free, surely you would be able to get your freedom like your dream…”, Jae Ha sips his last drops of liquor on his cup as he ending his story, raising his eyebrow when he hears loud sniffle and sobs. He’s surprised when not only Lily and Yona, but also Yun and Kija crying “whoa?! Eh, wait?! What are you guys crying about for?”.  
His story has strengthened their admiration to their delicate dependable big brother, also to Captain Gigan, the mother of Awa’s pirate also to late Shi-Ren, one of tyrant’s victims. But still…  
“you didn’t tell us that it was tragic love story, you moron!?”, Yun scolds him, sniffling and sobbing as he is handing dry fabric to others.  
Yona gratefully takes the dry fabric, along with Lily thanks him in unison “thank you, mom”.  
Yun sniffs and sobs “don’t call me mother…”.  
Kija sobs and furiously wipes his tears with dry fabric that he gets from Tetora before Tetora patting his head “poor my brother… and Lady Shi-Ren… hicks… she sounded like really good and kind woman, but she’s already gone…”.  
Even Shina sniffs before he patting Jae Ha’s shoulder, his gentle silent gesture. Zeno, the oldest and only member who ever married, of course understand about how hurt it feel to lost someone you love and he’s about to hug his Green brother.  
Surprisingly, Hak is the first who hug Jae Ha and whispers near his ear “…sorry to make you remember of tragic memory”.  
Jae Ha blinks, it’s unusual for Hak to being soft like this, nevertheless he doesn’t mind “oh, Hak. Now I remember, your personality is a bit similar with Shi-Ren, even your hair and eyes color’s similar with her. Are you her reincarnation? Or at least, can you heal my gravely injured heart with share your enormous and deep love not only to Yo—?”.  
Again, because he’s teasing him instead, Hak collides his forehead into Jae Ha’s “are you kidding me?!”.  
Yona, oblivious as always, asks him, totally dissolves the awkward tense even without realizing it “but you never have someone you loved after that?”.  
“don’t know… maybe I have, but I only pretend I didn’t, or I’m just afraid of having other heartache. True, I’ve spent more time with many woman to get rid of my sadness after I lost Shi-Ren…”, Jae Ha shrugs his shoulder “but looks like no matter how many woman I’ve spent time with and turned down, instead it makes me realize, if you wanted someone’s presence by your side due to your loneliness, it only would strengthen your loneliness”.  
Kija sniffs, finally able to get himself together and stop crying “so that’s why you haven’t seriously taken on single woman till now? I thought it’s only because you’re playboy”.  
“well, you can say it’s also because I hate the idea of being tied”, Jae Ha elbows the shaking Thunder Beast who holding his laughter beside him “Hak, don’t laugh at your big brother”.  
Hak is able to comment, after recovers himself “so… your erhu and your Kai robe is from her? That’s why you stubbornly keep that with you?”.  
“yeah, you can say that I can’t leave this because this is the part of her and my heart sunk just from the idea of leaving this in Awa before I left”, Jae Ha startles when Yona and his Dragon brothers calling his name and hugging him tightly after that, saying nonsense cute things like he can cry as much as he wants tonight in their embrace. He can’t help but laughing heartily to hide his tears “what? you’re all adorable kids”.  
_“somehow, I think you smile so brightly and laugh at me from somewhere, Shi-Ren… if you’re watching from above, don’t worry too much about me anymore... My new families are really great and as long as they’re with me, I think I can do anything, including to live longer than you but about your last request, I can’t promise about it… just wait for me above there, in case I can’t fulfill your last request, because you still have a place in my heart, even till now”._

**Author's Note:**

> *cough okay, I don't know what's going through my head when I'm writing this, but hell yeah, I make it tragic. Funeral will be held in my place. Rest In Peace, Shi-Ren. If I'm not wrong, looks like this is my first fic with Mature rate, does it the fit to choose Mature rate to this story and is this story good enough, I wonder?


End file.
